Every now and then you find something that just has to be shared…
“I am a sassy and opinionated person who is a hopeless romantic @ heart. I am 90 percent optimist 10 percent realist. I would do anything for my friends or family. I am looking for some that is caring and that kikes to have fun but knows when to be serious.”
Hoo boy.
I did it for the lulz.
Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do, no where to go, oh, I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry, hurry, hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my brain
Oh no, oh, oh, oh, oh
Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do, no where to go, oh, I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me on a plane
Hurry, hurry, hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my brain
Oh no, oh, oh, oh, oh
Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do, no where to go, oh, I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show
Hurry, hurry, hurry before I go loco
I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my toes
Oh no, oh, oh, oh, oh
Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do, no where to go, oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show
Hurry, hurry, hurry before I go loco
I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my toes
Oh no, oh, oh, oh, oh
Bamp bamp, ba bamp, ba bamp bamp, ba bamp, I wanna be sedated
Bamp bamp, ba bamp, ba bamp bamp, ba bamp, I wanna be sedated
Bamp bamp, ba bamp, ba bamp bamp, ba bamp, I wanna be sedated
Bamp bamp, ba bamp, ba bamp bamp, ba bamp, I wanna be sedated
This… is NASTY.
I “interviewed” this crazy woman today about politics.
Here’s the interview!
So… XKCD posted this comic a few days ago:
And today, when I tried replying to a comment on YouTube, I couldn’t. Nothing happened. I checked Firefox’s javascript errors and saw this:
Error: commentPreviewEnabled is not defined
Source File: http://s.ytimg.com/yt/js/base_all_with_bidi-vfl58055.js
Line: 1244
So I just typed, in my address bar:
javascript:commentPreviewEnabled=true;void(0);
and lo and behold, this appears when I click “reply”!
Notice “Audio Preview”? Yeah, that’s a new one… Now, this made me want to investigate that Javascript file mentioned in the error I got. I saw it mentioned the file http://s.ytimg.com/yt/swf/textreader-vfl58051.swf, so I downloaded it and ran it through an SWF decompiler to get a look at the code. I saw this, in a function package named “com.google.youtube.texttospeech.TextToSpeech”:
flash.external.ExternalInterface.addCallback(”speakText”, _loc2, _loc2.speakText);
I know it doesn’t look like much to the untrained eye, but basically it’s making a function called “speakText” available to Javascript.
In other words… YouTube read the XKCD comic about audio previews of comments… and actually decided to implement that feature.
Maybe it’s a joke. Maybe I caught something I wasn’t supposed to see. But it’s funny as hell 
of course I had to make a YouTube video about it…
*update*
Yep, they implemented it!
I received this e-mail from the woman who runs this batshit insane website:
Subject: [XXXXXX] Sarah Palin To Be Dropped From McCain Ticket
From: Ruth Calabria <ruthcalabria2@matrix-evolutions.com>
Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:01:18 -0400
To: XXXXXXDear Friends,
The guns on the conviction of the sinner, Senator Barack Obama, are about to be silenced. Sarah Palin has done her job of connecting with the everyday people who will make the difference in the election. She has managed to make the Republicans, the party of, by and for the ruling class, the hope of the people in the margin, the smarter evangelicals who might have voted for Obama, the moms who struggle so hard to raise their kids in this mom unfriendly environment, the moose hunters and those Hillary women who can’t distinguish their bras from their pocketbooks.
Palin has also managed to distract us all from the consequences of the hundred billion dollar bank bailout necessitated by the blind greed of Republican mortgage scammers, a grand heist on all who work for a living whose paychecks will be cut in half by the stupendous inflation this will bring about. Stocks, mostly owned by the rich, go up; and the real income of the workers and middle class goes down. This effective transfer of wealth from worker to ruling class is a continuation of the broader capitalist Republican manipulations that have caused worker incomes to drop by 2% in the last decade while those in the top tier went up by 200%.
McCain’s conservative handlers have planned from the beginning to have Sarah leave the scene, once her job was finished, along with the baggage of her Trooper-gate conniving and her obvious lack of qualifications for the presidency. We suspect her coming exit to have been intelligently designed from the start in its reeking of our situation down here in Texas where my fundamentalist mother still tries to control me, a 67 year old woman, from the grave by having left me an inheritance totally controlled by my castrated conservative brother, a lawyer who made it clear immediately after my mother’s death that there’s no way I would ever see a penny of the money left me unless I left my evolutionist professor husband of 35 years who rescued me from this moron, child abusing, family I had the misfortune to be born into. And if I know these scheming conservative game players correctly, Palin’s exit will be blamed on something Michelle Obama said about Christmas or some equally absurd and vicious zinger.
The communists used to say that the capitalists would sell them the rope they needed to hang them. This has proved to be unnecessary. Instead we have seen our greedy pig ruling class hang themselves with their mortgage scam that backfired, and hang all of us in the process. To highlight their lunatic decadence and stupidity, we note the dribbling remarks of an upper class jerk by the name of Wayne Angel, a retired Fed Board member who owns his own seven homes and blames the economic meltdown on unions demanding more money for the workers! Did we really hear him say that!? Such callousness and the fact that he truly believes it (!) borders on a criminality that calls for the forced feeding of cake to Marie Antoinette’s severed head. This bailout grand theft, soft peddled and hidden by media shills whose employment is at the discretion of said ruling class, the same crew of peppy liars who helped sell the War in Iraq that has been used as an excuse for the taking away of o ur freedom, fairness and justice in America, must be reversed. The upper class must go!
But rather than have the rerun of the French Revolution that these rich pigs so richly deserve, it is much easier to throw them out of power by electing Barack Obama, who, whatever his shortcomings, is a hell of a lot smarter and a hell of a lot more caring than these ruling class wolves and their loathsome surrogate in sheep’s clothing, the truly dippy, smiling lunatic, John McCain, who however he may come off in well edited sound bites on TV, looks in person like he would have trouble finding his way to the men’s room.
Don’t be fooled by kindly Uncle John. Be scared on Election Day, scared enough to make sure you go out and vote. Hidden in briefly appearing stories on the net are the new rules for domestic spying and for FBI surveillance and harassment without due cause, also known as, welcome to the police state. The Republicans are as treacherous in their plans for the coming Inquisition as they are in consistently making black out to be white in presidential campaigning.
And while we are at it, let’s put the blame for the personal unhappiness and heartache of young people where it belongs to make sure they get out and vote. It’s not hard to understand. First turn off Dr. Phil, a castrated propagandist who has enough money to buy a trophy wife to cover up the fact that his fast talking is as cross wired as his face is goofy. The problem of the breakdown of love and happiness in America is not a mental problem.
Rule #1: The ruling class has the power to do whatever they want to do.
Rule #2: What they and their managers want to do is screw all the women, which they do in the workplace and in the schools in various ways.
Rule #3: If you want to keep your job or get an A on that term paper, honey, pull up your skirt, as happens as often as folks drink coffee in the morning.
Rule #4: Every woman comes to know these rules.
Rule #5: No woman talks about them.
Today’s women are a harem for the ruling class. The owners and bosses and the worst teachers and priests get to toy with the women (and with the kids) while the men who fall in love with the women are DENIED ACCESS, crowded out by the creepy lechers whose taking advantage insults the women and destroys the self respect and emotional integrity necessary for successful courtship and love, with the problem made all the worse with the cockeyed morality spouted on corporate run TV. And men being made obedient fools out of by bosses, also as common as morning coffee, doesn’t improve their attractiveness to women. It’s time for a revolution and electing Obama is the first step. We make the case for what we say, as taboo as these truths are in an America where lies rule by swift condemnation of truth tellers as evil or crazy, on www.matrix-evolutions.com where we use a compelling scientific argument based on a mathemat ical understanding of evolution and information.
Mrs. Ruth and Dr. Peter V. Calabria
Figured I’d leave the name/email in since it’s on their site.
This started off as a troll post on Slashdot years ago… and I just remembered it and decided to make a podcast of it.
The original story is here. It’s an abomination.
Note: I wrote this in 2005 for a rhetoric class. we were supposed to write a rhetorical dialogue between two figures, alive or dead, real or fictional…
Christ Drives a Buick: A Dialogue on Morality
It was a dark and stormy night. I was alone in my house, and the pounding of the rain upon the roof was the only sound I could hear.
The only sound, that is, save for the sudden rapping on the front door.
I placed my book on the side table and rose from my chair. “Who in their right mind would be out in this weather?” I mumbled.
I opened the door. It was Jesus.
I scoffed. This was too surreal. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“My car broke down up the road,” He said. He was soaked to the bone. “I’ve called AAA, but they’ll probably be a while yet.”
I looked Him up and down, wondering whether to throw a tarp on the couch. “I suppose that would be okay.”
“Thanks, man. I owe you one.” He shook my hand gratefully and stepped across the threshold. It struck me as a bit odd that the Son of God needed to call AAA, let alone that He drove at all.
He took His sandals off and walked into the living room.
“So…” I began.
“Just because I can doesn’t mean I should,” He interrupted. “Yeah, I could’ve just fixed the car, but to be honest, omnipotence gets boring after a while. Besides, men are often judged by the ways in which we do things. What would people say if they knew that God takes the easy way out?”
“I was actually going to ask you why you were out driving in this storm,” I said.
“I know that,” He said, annoyed. “I’m here to give you a message on the nature of morality.”
“Isn’t that a bit of a blunt way to introduce the subject of a dialogue?” I said.
“Yes, it is. I find that it’s better to be blunt sometimes. Now stop breaking the fourth wall and listen.” He motioned for me to sit down. I did so.
“Go ahead, then,” I said with a sigh.
“I drive an ‘87 Buick LeSabre Estate,” He said. I waited for Him to say more, but He apparently wanted a response.
“Oh,” I said.
“I drive it because it is sturdy. It can take a beating, but it’s still just as reliable as ever. It may not be the fastest car around, or the most attractive, but it’s the best.” He paused. “Morality is similar. That which is moral is not always that which is most attractive. It is not always the fastest way to success or happiness. But it is reliable. A man with sturdy morals can take the abuse of his peers without being compromised.”
“So you drive a Buick because it’s moral?” I said incredulously.
“The Buick is just a metaphor. You know that. The point is that the moral path is the one that is often mocked for its simplicity and lack of aesthetic value.”
“Didn’t you say that you were going to give me a lesson on morality?” I wondered aloud, not sure where He was going.
“And I will. I feel that it’s important to set up the framework for a discussion before engaging in it.”
“People often wish to believe that they are moral simply because they live good lives. However, I have always taught that the best, most moral behavior is that which benefits others. Selfless giving and all that. While it may be pleasing to the body to satisfy your selfish pleasures, it is more pleasing and rewarding to the soul to help your fellow man.”
I was a bit skeptical. “If your idea of morality is so great, why were you crucified for it?”
He rolled His eyes. “Thanks for the memory. I don’t see how that’s at all relevant. The people of my day didn’t understand what I was trying to do. I didn’t want to rule the world. I already had that. I just wanted everybody to be decent to one another. Was it really so revolutionary? For crying out loud, the first thing people learn nowadays is to play nice!”
“Now I know that my lessons can be twisted, analyzed, poked and prodded ad infinitum. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, though: it’s all bunk. Just do what I said. If you don’t want someone doing something to you, don’t do it to them.”
I nodded. This was all fairly obvious to me, but it still didn’t seem like much of a lesson. “Let’s get into some specific examples here. Is it moral for a homeless man to steal a loaf of bread to feed his dying child?”
“Of course. It is not the action that matters, but the intent. If a thief steals food to feed himself, he is being greedy. If he steals to feed his child, he is being valiant, and showing devotion to his child.”
“What about poverty? If a man becomes destitute because of poor life choices, is it the moral responsibility of those more fortunate to support him?”
“Absolutely. You may recall something I said a few thousand years ago: ‘If you’ve done something good for my brother, even the least important of my brothers, you have done it for me.’ Something like that. What most people fail to realize is that the good deeds they do for the poor are done for me. If you saw the Son of God sitting in stinking rags on the side of the road, would you just walk right by without so much as a glance?”
I remembered the passage.
“I see why you said that the most important commandment was to love my neighbor as myself. I’m beginning to understand morality, but what of divinity? Are the two equivalent, or is there a sensible way to divide the two?”
“Does it really matter?” He said. “If your goal in life is to be divine, you must be moral. If your goal is to be moral, you will approach divinity. The two may not be one and the same, but they are irrevocably entwined.”
“But what is the nature of divinity?” I asked.
“Now you’re beginning to ask the right questions!” He leaned forward. “Divinity is the state in which one has achieved an enlightenment that allows one to understand without needing to debate.”
“Understand what?”
“Exactly,” He said. “Whatever you want to understand, you will if you become divine.”
“Then how can I become divine?” I asked.
“Every man achieves divinity in a different way. I was lucky – I was born divine, as well as holy. Some achieve divinity by separating themselves from society and meditating on the essence of reality. Others, by becoming master artists. There is no single path to divinity.”
“But what about that whole ‘none come to the Father but through me’ stuff?”
“Being divine and being holy are two totally different things. Holiness is a religious state of being – a connection between the soul and eternity. Divinity has to do with the soul’s connection to the world. Not every person has religion, but all have souls. If your external life portrays the image of your soul, you have achieved divinity. If your soul mirrors the way I have laid out for you, then you have achieved holiness.”
“Then is it better to be holy or divine?” I queried.
“Neither,” He said.
“What?”
“Neither,” He repeated. “It isn’t a matter of better; only different. Nothing pleases me more than to see my brothers and sisters striving for holiness or divinity. Which one they decide is merely a matter of preference.”
“Then the way to please God is not merely by being moral, but by striving for morality or divinity?”
“As I said earlier, morality and divinity are intertwined. It is the same for morality and holiness. However, it is less important to be moral if you wish to be divine. Divinity can be achieved through acts of sheer nonsense, so long as they are reflections of your soul.”
“It is important to be moral. However, divinity and holiness may be polar opposites for some. It may be divine for one man to do that which is utterly absurd, while being holy requires devotion and consideration.”
I still wasn’t satisfied. “What is morality, really?” I asked.
“Morality is a way of being. It is living in a way that maximizes the happiness, well-being, independence, and satisfaction of all involved parties. In your example of the thief stealing bread to feed his child, the thief is moral because the happiness lost by the baker is far outweighed by the well-being gained by the child.”
“There is no single way to say, ‘this is moral and that is not’. It is best to consider each situation separately, as the circumstances are sure to be unique each time. Determining the morality of an action is an intellectual exercise. It gets easier with time.”
“But how do I know if I’ve make the wrong decisions? And what do I do if I have?” I asked.
“You’ll know that you have done something wrong if your conscience nags you about it. Your mother gave you some good advice, you know: if you wouldn’t do something in front of her, you probably shouldn’t do it at all.” He broke into a smile. “Of course, that can’t be applied universally,” He said, and winked.
“As for what to do about it, don’t worry about it too much. Just make a mental note to correct that behavior in the future, and move on.”
A horn honked outside. I glanced out of the window. To my dismay, the tow truck had already arrived. Jesus rose from His chair.
“I think it would be best if I left now. I have given you much to think about. Try your best to remember it all.” He tapped His forefinger against His temple.
“Before you go, I have just one more question,” I said.
“Ask, and ye shall receive an answer,” He said, walking to the door. He placed His hand on the knob and slipped His sandals onto His feet.
“What if you don’t exist?” I asked.
He paused, and smiled. “What do you mean?”
“What if this is all a dream?”
“I see,” He chuckled. “Then feel free to ignore everything I said.” With that, He pulled the door open and stepped out into the rain.
“But what if I have more questions?” I shouted over the din.
“You know how to reach me,” He said.
I’m still not sure that He actually gave me a lesson.
As promised, here’s Episode 2: Aaron Carter at Hogwarts (part 2 of 2). Slightly better production values; still terrible. Sorry about my voice; it started giving out on me.
